Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Life Update: Help and Tears

Hi everyone, so today's piece is a little personal.

My dad is on a transplant list, I won't specify, but if you are close to me, then you are aware of which list it is. Yesterday, we went to the hospital to meet with the transplant team and for a few tests. Nothing serious or invasive but they are needed for the transplant. My dad has been on the list for almost seven years now, and it's been a long process.

The last few years, I have been doing a lot for my family. I pretty much run the household, since my dad can't see very well anymore. He also can't drive, so I do all of the driving. I am the only driver in the house. Neither my sister or mom know how to drive. I do a lot for my family, I don't complain because who else will do it if I don't?

Yesterday, when we were meeting with the team, the transplant social worker asked me how I felt about it. I was shocked, I think it was the first time that someone had asked how I genuinely felt about the transplant and what I do for the house. I don't think anyone really realizes how difficult it is unless you're in a similar situation.

My sister goes to school and works, I don't work. It feels like I do nothing for my family other than run the errands that they can't do. I make sure the bills are paid, that we have groceries in the house, and I take my dad to his various doctor's appointments. I know where everyone in my home is probably twenty four seven. I have been looking for a job for nearly three years now and I still don't have one. That is super frustrating, because I can't pay for the gas in my car. My dad does it, I don't have any money. All I have is what is in my savings and it's not much. I am under a lot of stress, and while I do manage it pretty well, I do still struggle. I have a lot on my plate and I don't have a lot of help.

I had a breakdown about it, and I just want everyone to know that it's okay to be stressed and breakdown. I know that I did and while, I am not instantly one hundred percent better, my dad and I talked to my mom and sister, they'll be helping a little more. Some of the unmentioned tasks that I do will now be passed to them, so I don't have a heavy burden.

That's all for today.

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